Decisions Decisions

Warning: This is a long, wordy, journal purpose post. Proceed with caution and only if you're really bored. This weekend I was faced with a big decision. If you know me well, or even just a little, you know that I love to always have a trip planned and I never turn down the opportunity to go somewhere new. Summer 2012 was hands down the best 3 months of my life. I had the amazing opportunity to serve on a Navy hospital ship in Southeast Asia. I met so many wonderful people not only in the 3rd world countries we visited, but in the military branches from around the world. A year ago, I was giddy about going. My life was up in the air. Would I have a job to come back to? Would I be okay without 3 months of income? What do I do with my apartment? My car? These among other questions were in my mind, but I didn't care. I felt so good about the situation. I didn't have answers to the questions, but I knew it would be okay. I felt so at peace. So confident. Fast forward a year, it's time to apply for this trip again. I was considering a 7 1/2 week stint in Central and South America. I don't know how to explain how I felt, but it certainly wasn't the peace that I had felt before. I applied anyway knowing that I would regret passing up the opportunity of buying myself some more time to think about it. On Saturday afternoon, I received the email that I had been accepted to the countries I wanted and to the unit of the hospital that I desired. It was perfect. Or it should've been. That uneasiness was still playing around in my mind. I couldn't believe it. Why? I, Aubrey NEVER would turn down something like this! What was happening to me? Before I left last summer, I was told that I would be blessed significantly for my service and sacrifice. I remember being excited to find out what this blessing would entail. Would it be a sudden improvement in my crappy dating life? Would a sailor swoon me? The moment I landed back in the states, I realized what my blessing was. My social life. I had become a recluse of sorts since my move to Utah County and hadn't made any kind of effort to develop a life outside of work and old (but good) friends. My calendar became booked, my friend group quadrupled, and I was busy every single night. Shortly after, I moved in with an awesome roommate who I'm thankful every day for knowing. It would be an understatement to say that my life is 100x better than a year ago, and I am so very grateful. So why, if these are the blessings that come from service on a ship, would I not be jumping at the chance to do it again? My mind was telling me to go, but I couldn't ignore what the spirit was telling my heart. I asked my family and a close friend to pray for me that I would make the right decision. That next day in church, the lesson was on personal revelation. Perfect right? No. As hard as I tried to get something new from the teacher and the comments, nothing came to me. I had fasted for myself and my family had too. Why was I not receiving any answers? That evening, I was looking over a scripture verse I had marked in class trying to see if I had missed anything. There, in the verse below it, was my answer. Or rather a confirmation of my answer. D&C 9:8 (marked verse)- But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right. This is where I got hung up. This opportunity was righteous, so why would I not feel that burning? Verse 9: But if it shall not be right you shall have no such feelings, but you shall have a stupor of thought that shall cause you to forget the thing which is wrong....Boom. That's what I needed. My uneasiness that I had been having for 2 months was the stupor. I emailed in my offer decline and immediately felt lighter. I don't know why I'm supposed to stay here this summer. Is it to continue to take advantage of huge blessing from last year? Is something bad or good going to happen? Ah! I hope I will see the answer someday, but if not, I know that I made the right decision for me. 

Tuesday Tangents

1. Days like to today, I not only support Global Warming, I pray for it. 

2. Mondays are becoming the best day of the week. The Bachelor, Cafe Rio, and fun girls from my ward all crowded on one couch. Our commentary is slightly evil but sooo funny!

3. I had 2 separate conversations with 2 different people yesterday about the word "pannus". Google it. It happens to be my most my most favorite thing to chart at work. I even have my own grading system on a scale from 1-10 that is not scientific enough to document, but I use it for my own personal information. Grading is based on size, if the person can walk, how close the pannus hangs to to floor when the person is sitting, etc. Gross. I can't believe I'm typing this! 

4. Continuing on the obese subject, this weekend there were more than the average amount of large patients on my floor. And by large, I mean 400 lbs. Needless to say, at the end of my shifts my back was killing me! I left a frustrated. Yesterday morning, I spent 2 hours at the gym doing Body Pump and Combat. Let's just say that my back feels like a baby elephant slept on it. Caring for the morbidly obese is good motivation to get my butt to the gym! 

5. I am now the proud owner of the iPhone 5. My Mac family is now complete. They are all so beautiful! I'm convinced that if Apple made everything, the world would better...and more expensive. 

The Weekend

This weekend involved lots of driving, family time, white-trashness, and inversion free skies. On Saturday, my roommate Steph and I went to Park City and outlet shopped and went to a hockey game. A kid in our ward plays and we went to support. I love love loved it! Steph? Not so much. It was freezing to the point of being numb but I was completely entertained. 

Go Jeremy! #17

On Sunday I couldn't wait to get home (real home) and out of the nasty inversion that is covering Provo. After a Sunday dinner conversation of Honey Boo Boo, her mother June, and Swamp People we completed a white trash afternoon by going shooting. I was quickly reminded that 1) this is not my best skill 2) I should never own a gun 3) I am more likely to end up shooting myself in the foot than killing an intruder in self defense. 

In other news, Happy Birthday to this girl!

She's the big 3-0 today. I love the girl, but I'm going to skip out on doing 30 reasons why. We'll stick with 3.

1. She is the best shopping partner ever. California's outlet stores will never be the same.

2. She loves Disneyland just as much as me...maybe more.

3. She is pretty bad ass. She's a snowboard instructor. Need I say more?

See You Later and Hello Again

I couldn't bring myself to use "goodbye" in the title because I refuse to think of Chantelle aka Tilly's move as a goodbye. She's moved to the far off land of Maryland for grad school and I'm crossing my fingers that in 2 years, she can come back and honor us with her presence again. This time with more letters behind her name, ready to place chest tubes and write orders for lots of CTs. We met on the ship this summer and I'm so sad we didn't become friends before! I just love this girl. We met for pedicures as our last Utah activity for a while. Tilly, I hope your couch is comfy because I'm already thinking of when I can come visit!

The next day, I got to see one of my favorite people in the world! Mariel was visiting from Arizona and we met for lunch. Her little Sophie came along and I'm just a little bit in love. Mariel and I started on the 3rd floor at the same time and now I visit her yearly in Arizona. Because she is awesome, she always makes time for me while she is up visiting family. We met at Guru's and it was so fun to catch up. Conveniently, Tilly's ER farewell party was at Guru's too so I got to see her one more time along with other good friends who call the ER home. It was such a good day!

3rd floor reunion: Nesha, me, and Mariel.
Even bad lighting can't mask Sophie's baby blues. Just look at those eyes!

Tuesday Tangents

I've skipped a couple of weeks and I've got to get back in the routine. Here we go.

1. Taylor Swift's I Knew You Were Trouble music video has all of the makings of a My Life on Meth video. Bad hair, dirty mirrors, boys in skinny jeans, and angst.

2. Speaking of meth, a couple of weeks ago I kept wanting to look behind my shoulder to see if my coworkers and I were being filmed for a My Life on Meth video. I wish the youth of the world could've seen what we saw.

3. At age 28, you should consider giving up your player ways. That is, if you ever want to get married or have girls stop cursing your name.

4. Yesterday at Walmart, I spotted a honorary Duck Dynasty cast member. Not only was he wearing head to toe camo, but 4 different styles of camo. Impressive.

5. My favorite Facebook post of the day belongs to a girl that I grew up with. She decided that it was a good idea to report to the world of Facebook that today is the day that she can get her breathalyzer installed so she can drive again. Why? Why would you do this? I was embarrassed for her but also loving it for providing me with a mid-day laugh. Stay classy fellow graduates of '06.

Sometimes I Love My Job

This past weekend, I had so many great nursing moments. It is a thankless job and I've spent many hours thinking that: 1) I don't get paid near enough (this though usually crosses my mind when poop is involved) 2) What was I thinking when I said I wanted to be a nurse? Of course, I do love my job and I can't imagine doing anything else but it can be discouraging! I took care of a mentally delayed patient on Saturday and Sunday and those were some of my favorite shifts ever. She reminded me of the value of patience and made me so happy! I started whistling when I was hooking up her daily bag of TPN and a smile broke across her face that made my heart melt. I was keepin in old school and my tune of choice was from The Andy Griffith Show that I loved as a child. I whistled a few more and then she started making song requests. One of them was Green Acres. She had me stumped. So how did I spend my Saturday night? Trying to familiarize myself with the song enough to whistle it for her. The next day, I was so excited to perform. She loved it! I know this sounds silly, but I would've done just about anything to see her that happy. Yesterday, I washed her hair and gave her a head massage and I could tell she was in heaven! She also informed me that she loves Bing Crosby, so I downloaded his station to my Pandora and let her listen to it via my phone in her room until the end of my shift. I could probably do more stuff like this for all of my patients but she made me want to serve her because of her genuine happiness. So, to my sweet patient, thank you. Thank you for reminding me why I chose this job!

Lately

Get ready for was is likely way too many pictures. Every year I help out at least a little with my work Christmas Party. I'm a planner and I like Christmas, so why not? We had an ugly sweater contest, a white elephant gift exchange, dinner, and photo props. It was so fun! I don't want to discuss the outcome of the contest, because I'm still a little bitter about it. 

All the single ladies. Well minus Kiarra.

Photo whoops.  

Our white elephant gifts.

My good friend Tilly that I met on the ship this summer is moving for grad school and I'm so so sad! I just love this girl. I put together a little breakfast themed going away get together with fellow ship friends. I made the food and Whit unintentionally brought the show when she decided to strip down for us.  Scandalous!

Whitney, Krystal, Tilly, and I.

While I was home for a couple of days after Christmas, I begged my family to take me sledding. I have a terrible track record for winter injuries so no one was jumping at the chance to assist in taking one of the few lives I have left. After much pleading, my sister strapped on some classy Carhartts and I put on a furry hat and off we went! I'm well aware that I look ridiculous being pulled around the field in back of my house like a little girl but I loved it! I could've stayed out there all day.

My 6 high school friends pulled off a Christmas Miracle and we all got together for a Christmas Party. It was so fun to see everyone all together for the first time in a year. 

The posse.